ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize