Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You made out with two different species that night
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
