And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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