im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
