is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
