we have officially lost it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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