laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
