I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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