Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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