Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
