Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
