the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
