went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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