Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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