I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
