do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
