I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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