If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
