And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize