Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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