You can't special order awesome
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
