You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
All the doctor said was why
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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