The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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