My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
