and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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