You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize