it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
