you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
