I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
