Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
