new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
