Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
