If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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