I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize