haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
