My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
