Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
