tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
