Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
