i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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