seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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