Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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