i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
