Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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