He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
