Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i think my cat just said my name.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
