i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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