You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
