Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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