guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize