after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
