My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
