dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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