sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
