Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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