he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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