It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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