Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Small penises have feelings too.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
