Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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