Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
third nipple confirmed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
