Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
