I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
