smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
